The Little Things
by Keekee101
Summary: Tragedy seems to be following Bella, in fact it is staring her in the face. Many changes happen rapidly and she is happy to just come out of it with some sanity. With change comes growth, but how can you grow when thrown in the deep end? Not to mention the looming event on the horizon and the brooding bronzed haired boy who feels completely responsible for it all. AU. ExB.
1. Chapter 1

**Tragedy seems to be following Bella, in fact it is staring her in the face. Many changes happen rapidly and she is happy to just come out of it with some sanity. With change comes growth, but how can you grow when thrown in the deep end? Not to mention the looming event on the horizon and the brooding bronzed haired boy who feels completely responsible for it all. AU. ExB.**

**The Little Things**

* * *

_"If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve." - Lao Tzu_

**Chapter one**

"If there is anything else we can do for you Isabella, please don't hesitate to ask." Mrs. Webber said, taking her young twin sons hands. She began departing down the steps of my fathers home, tugging the little boys hands as she went. The slightly shorter one - Timothy I think she said his name was - waved goodbye while the taller one with the thick rimmed glasses and considerably lighter hair just smiled at me.

I smiled half heartedly in return to the boys, focusing all my energy on not cringing at the name their mother just gave me. I had only told her a good_ five times_ to call me Bella. I guess that's what Charlie would refer to me as to the town...

Waving at the little boys as they skipped to the car, I nodded to their mother. Oh, the carelessness of youth had them happily jumping in when she opened the bright red - too bright for this dreary town - minivan door for them. "Thank you, I'll keep that in mind ma'am. Drive safely." I really meant it.

Everyone in this town had been so lovely to me ever since I got here two days earlier. I had tried to seem grateful and for the most part I was, but being in this tiny town for the first time in almost four years had me feeling slightly suffocated.

Everyone was falling over themselves to help anyway they could and I held my best, most reassuring smile and nodded as people came in and out of my fathers home to welcome me, but the only thing I could think of was Charlie and what my job was here.

I was here to lay my father to rest.

Charlie had been killed on the road on the previous Monday night; He was driving back to work after only being home a few minutes, he had apparently forgotten his casework and skidded once the ever present rain was turning into untrustworthy snow as the night grew frigid in it's coldness. It was nothing new for him though, I'm sure he had done the same thing a million times before...

Staring up at the afternoon sky, I frowned. This weather my father loved so much was the very thing that killed him, and I couldn't just forgive that. The clouds were grey and positively aching in anticipation to cover the town once again in the depressing fall of water.

At least it matched my mood, though it wasn't as if I saw it as some kind of sign from the gods...It was Forks, therefore it was inevitable. End of story.

One final glare at the veil of grey that covered up my view of the beautiful sun, I sighed. I shut the old, chipped paint, wooden door and leant against the back of it. I held off the tears around people, to them I was the chief's pride and joy that had been so carelessly taking away from him by my childish mother, they saw me once a year and somehow felt like I was an extension of my childhood self.

But I wasn't the child they all remembered, it had been years since they had last saw me, I didn't understand how they still saw the little girl that would make her father hold her hands in public to keep them warm. No longer did I go running to the nearest adult in held back tears when I would trip over a rock, no longer did I cower behind my parents legs when they introduced to a stranger.

I had grown immensely in my four years away, I felt almost like a different person entirely now, I took care of my mother and had given myself responsibilities that no child could handle. But I also hadn't cried in a while...I was too preoccupied presently to deal with my own emotional state, I had to cater to everyone else's right now.

I had a simple childhood for the most part, and I could never dwell on the fact that my parents had gotten divorced. Over fifty percent of marriages in America had the same unfortunate fate and I was happy just to have two healthy, loving parents to call my own.

It never even crossed my mind to blame my mother for leaving my father when I was an infant, yes it hurt me greatly to see my father never move on but my mother did what was right for her own sanity at the time. She had been suffering from depression for several months before she left Charlie, at first they thought it was just the _baby blues_ after having me but it only got worse as the town grew heavy in it's smothering...I could relate.

Charlie was an easy man to be around, and he seemed happy to just have me near. I made the decision at fourteen to move our time together to California, I loved my father dearly, but Forks would have given me the same fate as my mother with time, I was sure of it. He didn't mind or course, booking the same hotel every year for us in San Francisco.

If I regretted nothing else in my life, my last would be that I missed so many opportunities to be around him. I selfishly let my distaste for his hometown _literally_ cloud my resolve in being near him more often. _It's Charlie, he'll always be there..._I had been incredibly naive.

I went to the kitchen and opened up the fridge, too tired from the full day of receiving condolences and organizing a funeral to bother cooking myself dinner. Thankfully a nice lady - Mrs. Cope was how she introduced herself to me - had graciously sent her husband over with what looked like a chicken and broccoli casserole, knowing that my day would be occupied. Mr. Cope was a retired Police officer himself and had worked with my dad for years before retiring.

Serving myself up a portion before putting it in the microwave, I set my pathetic table for one, even pouring myself a tall glass of Almond milk. I had taken a moment out of my mourning the first afternoon I had gotten here to purchase the essentials I would need for most of the duration of my stay, Charlie was never the best cook and I didn't want to rely on the kindness of near strangers to keep my stomach full.

Tomorrow was the big day, and I wanted nothing more than to get into my rental car and drive the hell away.

I wasn't _ready_ to say goodbye to my father...

_Renee and I were sitting on the ground of our small living room, using the painted blue coffee table as a dining setting. We were eating Chinese and discussing Phil's schedule for the next month; A usual topic for us of late._

_"He'll be leaving L.A in two days, but he'll only be back a little over a week before heading to Florida." My mother sighed, playing with her chopsticks._

_This wasn't unusual for Phil, his job as a minor league baseball player had him in cities all across America. Renee stayed with me, even after I said I'd be fine on my own...That was an argument I wasn't going to repeat any time soon._

_We chit-chatted for a little while longer, and I attempted to put her mind off of Phil by mentioning school. I was always a good student and had people to sit with in class and during lunch, but I was happy being ignored by most of the student body._

_"You've had at least one class with her every year since elementary school and she didn't know your name?!" Mom exclaimed, her hands gesturing wildly like a toddler having a tantrum. _

_I nodded. "What do you expect? We never talk..." Lauren was a horrible excuse for a girl, she was an overly tanned atrocity with hair that was paler than my skin and dressed like a stripper with a good pay-check. She walked around in heels so tall, she towered over everyone - including the guys and wore makeup like a craigslist hooker. _

_My mother had always called me beautiful, but I didn'__t see it myself. I was of average height, my bottom lip was larger than the top slightly and my hair and eyebrows were in complete contrast to my virtually colorless skin - The only time you ever saw color on me was when I wore it...Or when embarrassed. _

_I suppose I could be pretty, in a city that didn't believe beauty was about the color on your skin and having legs longer than your memory capability one _might_ consider me so. I had always taken great pride in my skincare regime and in taking care of my hair, but in Phoenix I was a simple plain Jane to anyone that believed they mattered. But I was okay with that, I wasn't exactly what you would call 'gregarious'._

_The phone began ringing as I was putting the leftovers in the fridge. "I'll get it!" Renee yelled from the other room, I continued without thought._

_A whimper arose in the living room. Did she stub her toe again? I closed the fridge and put the glasses we had drank our coke out of in the sink. "Bella?" My mothers voice stuttered from the other room._

_Something was wrong, I knew that much. I paced to the living room. "Is everything-" She was on her knees, tears clouding her youthful blue eyes._

_I was by her side as fast as my legs could take me. Was it Phil? Was he alright?_

_"Mom?" I asked, putting my hand on her shoulder as I knelt down next to her. I heard my own voice wavering as my worry for her grew._

_She broke out of whatever reverie she was in. "Honey..." The word was barely recognisable under the tightness of her throat._

_I nodded for her to continue. "Is it Phil?..." I was so confused._

_She shook her head, un-fallen tears making their way down her face finally. "Charlie." _

_She didn't mean...Did she? This wasn't a simple injury, or even a heart attack. I could see it in my mothers face just what had happened, she didn't need to say anything._

_My father was dead._

_I shook my head just as she had, only with a more jarring edge to it. "No." I choked out._

_My mother nodded. "I'm so sorry baby." She pulled me in for a hug, but I didn't feel it. I didn't feel anything, I didn't even realize that my head was still shaking from side to side until I had made myself dizzy._

_~/~/~/~_

_I was wrapped up in a quilt my mother had knitted during a provisional DIY phase she had gone through several months back, it wasn't cold in Phoenix but the chill I felt was present nonetheless. I hadn't spoken since she told me what had happened; A car accident, icy road. It felt like there were no tears left in me and my eyes were wide, but they focused on nothing. I saw nothing._

_Renee sat down beside me, her arm wrapped itself over my slumped shoulder. "How are you honey?"_

_Empty, regretful, heartbroken._ _"I'm okay, I guess." I shrugged._

_"I'll book us a flight to Seattle tonight, we'll leave in the morning." What?_

_"Huh?" I turned my head to her in confusion. Why would she be coming? _

_She looked at me, sweeping a lock of hair behind my ear. "I'm coming with you silly." _

_Don't get me wrong, she would be hurting right now too - they were married for a time - but I wasn't sure if this was the right thing for her __to do__. I wanted to protect her from the hurt and whatever the town and the memories with it would bring._

_Somehow, I managed to convinced her to stay here, I don't think she really wanted to go anyway. She barely made it through her mothers funeral and it would only be harder for me if she were there...I was selfish._

The beep of the microwave sprung me out of my thoughts, I shook my head free of them and got up. Smelling the food had me realizing that I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and even then it was just a small bowl of _cheerios_.

I ate down the generous meal in silence, not allowing myself to fall back into my previous train of thought. Instead I daydreamed about running away from everything, being free from worry and grieving and loss. But I knew that couldn't happen, after the funeral I would be back in Phoenix, I would put on a smile and tell my friends I was fine. Fake it 'till you make it, right?

By the time the dishes were done, I was ready for bed, too tired to read or watch T.V for a while. I washed my face, moisturized my skin and brushed my hair and teeth before flopping into my small bed.

I didn't remember falling asleep, nor did I dream, all I remember is being cold despite having more than my fair share of blankets on.

The process of getting ready this morning had my anxiety building, I was thankful that I had pulled my outfit out of my suitcase the day before so I let myself fall into the shower to warm myself up. The heat did help to ease the tension in my shoulders but it did nothing to ease the stress in my mind.

My outfit was simple, a black lace dress that flared down from the waist and hit almost at the knee, the neckline modestly sat just under my collarbone and the sleeves were short. I paired it with a grey trench coat and simple black flats. After some deliberation, I slipped on some opaque tights for added warmth. I was going for conservative but pretty.

Once two eggs were scrambled and put on toast with cheese, my stomach felt full enough to face the day. My hair was naturally straight so all I needed to do was blow-dry it, and I applied a little natural lip-gloss to my lips before curling my long lashes. I wasn't a type to cover my face with product but this was my daily routine. I wanted to trick my body into thinking that this was like any other normal day.

I slipped on a pair of earrings that my mother thought she was being sneaky in putting into my suitcase before putting my breakfast plates in the sink - I could do them later.

Giving myself a once over in the mirror by the front door, I grabbed my purse and keys, locking up as I left.

I had the radio on as I drove, attempting to keep my mind off of everything but it was fuzzy and annoyed me which brought on my anxiety once more.

Thankfully Charlie had a lot of great friends that wanted to speak their pieces at the funeral and the local minister Mr. Webber kept the service on the shorter side, which I was grateful for. My dad was truly a loved and well respected person to all who knew him, and it only broke my heart more as I heard the magnitude of the affect he had on those around him.

"Now to conclude, may you all bow your heads in a silent prayer for our dear departed friend." I was thankful once again, my head felt heavy and bowing it felt more like it was dropping or about to fall off my shoulders.

The silence in those few moments were deafening, I tried to pray - I honestly did - but my head was full of cotton wool. I hadn't cried during the service, I hadn't cried since that first time and I could feel myself on the edge. "Just a little longer, Bella." I told myself, the sound virtually not heard by my own ears.

"Now, to let myself be less formal for a moment." Mr. Webber paused for a moment, staring at his hands on the podium. "Charlie was a good man - The very best in fact - It didn't matter the problem, if you needed help he was there. His heart was full of pure love for this town and the one thing he loved even more fiercely was his beautiful daughter, Isabella."

He gestured to me, I didn't need to turn to know that all eyes were on me in that moment. I was shivering again, trying to hold my muscles in place and trying even harder not to fly out the door and never return. "Keep it together, Bella." I whispered to myself once more, only letting my mouth move slightly.

Mr. Webber continued. "His spirit will be forever in the form of this beautiful young girl, he will be remembered-"

I couldn't hear any more of this. I was loosing it and needed to be away, I stood and hurried myself down the aisle not caring at all for the stares as I fled. My eyes grew more red as I walked, and I slowed to a stumble once I was out of sight.

My knees buckled under the weight and the sobbing began, I cried for the life my father lost, I cried for what I missed, and I cried for what he will miss of me. _Graduation. College. Marriage. Children. _Things I had not even considered yet, things people take for granted everyday would now drift past without him, the smell of driftwood and mint would fade from his home with time, from my memory.

Sue found me a few moments later, she was one of the only ones I felt comfortable around, she babysat me as a child.

She let me take a moment to collect myself before helping me stand, my legs shaking. We returned and I kept my head down, I should have realized the scene I had made and I instantly felt embarrassed.

Halfway down the aisle I lifted my head, and it was as if everything turned to slow motion.

My eyes caught sight of a boy, he would have been about my age or maybe slightly older. His hair was a wild mane of bronze and his skin was a ghostly white, even more so than mine. But it wasn't these that caught my attention; it was his eyes. They were _black_, they looked confused and almost _frustrated_. Had my departure offended people? Did I not have a right to my grief?

The boy was looking directly at me, not at all wavering. But his expression switched as I passed him with Sue, _Disgust_? It couldn't be. _Hunger_? He looked healthy enough, despite the dark rings around his eyes. But his eyes looked as if he hadn't eaten in weeks. I turned my head sharply and sat down, focusing on the situation. There was also no mistaking his beauty, but I couldn't think of such things right now.

The service finished and the wake was held in a warm, small area of the church. People came up to me and expressed their condolences, asking me how I was. I got tired of saying 'fine' but I didn't know what else would be fitting.

I was currently talking to a small group of kids my age, Angela was Mr. and Mrs. Webber's oldest child, she was nice and didn't feel the need to intrude into my personal feelings.

The other girl, Jessica was not as courteous.

"Are you okay?"

"This must be so hard for you."

"You must be just _dying_."

Really? Someone should have put a muzzle on this girl, Thankfully the blonde guy she was making goo-goo eyes at shut her up, though he did wink at me as they left. Small towns create crazy people just the same as bigger ones do.

"I'm sorry about her." Angela smiled sadly. "She doesn't seem to get the concept of _too much_, she never has." She shrugged at her friend.

I smiled at her, she had been very sweet to me since I got here, rolling her eyes when her mother would call me _Isabella_. I let her go back to her friends and I had other people to thank for coming.

It was nice to see so many people that cared for my father in one room, it warmed my heart to know that one half of me was a stable, honest, reliable source to come to for assistance. My mother lacked in this field, her young mind had her floating from one hobby to the next which brought on more friends than she could handle.

"So it was great talking to Charlie's little girl but we gotta pick up our kids from school now." A balding man with a beer belly and his meek looking wife with slightly greying hair smiled as they were leaving.

I smiled in politeness. "You too." I waved lightly as they walked away. "...Whoever the heck you are." I added to myself quietly, keeping the false smile as tight as I could.

I heard a chuckle behind me and instinctively turned to the noise, it was a brick of a guy that the voice came from. He was at least 6'4 and had arms bigger than most people's thighs. His hair was as least as dark as mine and his skin was as pale as the boy I saw earlier, and even though they were aesthetically very different, I would go to my grave _swearing_ that they had to be related somehow...

He was keeping his guard, not watching anyone or anything in particular but he was standing like that of almost a _bodyguard_. But what was he protecting? I was the only thing near him and he didn't know me from a hole in the ground. I shook my head to myself and turned, I was letting myself get too distracted and I needed to be a good hostess.

~/~/~/~

I slept horribly that night, it was cold and I had so much more to do before I left Forks on Sunday - Even with the hardest part being over. The blankets felt itchy and the sound of the rain hitting the window and the wind whistling like a hot tea kettle had me feeling unsettled.

The next day was a little easier for me, I had to go to the only Law firm in town - If you could even call the tiny place that - to address Charlie's Will, it stated that if he were to die before I turned eighteen that his house would be sold and the money go into savings for my college fund and future life. He didn't have much to give, but he gave it all to me.

I had some errands to run before getting back home, I was staying until Sunday and wanted enough food and things to keep me going until then. I took my time, reading labels and the ingredients on the back. I hauled everything into the dark blue rental car that was put in my mothers name and headed home in the dark. I should have gone earlier, I knew this but I was such a careful driver, I knew I wouldn't meet Charlie's same fate.

The radio was working a little better and I found that my mind was singing along to the songs I knew as I drove though the words never passed my lips, the highway was empty and trees felt confining in the space to the point that they looked to almost be bending. But I kept my eyes on the road and made turns carefully, though there were few.

"Oh crap, I forgot the dishes." I muttered to myself, they were my least favorite chore so I had let it go since the funeral, which was only yesterday but I didn't like clutter. My thoughts drifted to the bothersome task ahead of me when I arrived back to the house with frustration.

Suddenly a flash of brown flew across the road - a deer I think - and even though any _Drivers Ed _teacher or manual would say not to, I couldn't help but swerve away. Bad idea.

I wasn't sure what I hit, though my money was on one of those trees I was complaining about earlier. _Karma is an annoying mistress of __meanness_. Pain seized my body and my head became unclear very quickly. My nebulous mind heard voices, that was silly. I was the only one here a few moments ago, there was no one driving on the road behind me...How long had it been?_ Count Bella._

_1_

_2_

_3_

_4_

_..._

_3?_ _Did I say that already?_

_4_

_5_

_6_

_7_

_7_

_8? Ten is not far away Bella, keep going._

_Try to move Bella._ I did, nothing happened. _Just your arm._ Nothing. _Your finger?_ Nada.

Was I dead? I didn't think so, it hurt so much but my tired body wouldn't obey my orders for it to move. My consciousness was slipping and my mind continued to play tricks on me.

"Edward, hold your breath." A saintly voice rang loudly. I heard it clear as day, was there an angel in heaven named Edward? What reason would he have to hold his breath?

I must have lost consciousness for a moment fully, the conversation was broken and patchy.

"Carlisle." His voice calmed me for some reason, it was rich and had an edge to it in the moment, But it's clarity and smoothness sung out to me like a celestial harp. _Celestial harp? You really are delusional, Bella..._

"Carlisle, you need to. No, I _can't_. Please, it may be selfish but if you don't _I'll kill her_. No. I'm _not_ strong en-_Please_!" The breaks had me confused, I'd been knocked unconscious before but it had never been like this. The missing pieces of the conversation were so close between each other.

I felt myself being lifted up into the air. "You take care of the car." The slightly calmer voice said. Was he going to fix it? Crap, it was a rental...My mom was going to kill me.

The air around me came fast, what little wind I had left at this point was knocked out as a moving force built. Like the pressure of wind on your face during a roller-coaster.

"We'll take care of you Isabella, I give you my word." Was the man holding me? The younger voice was gone now. Were we moving? Where were we going?

I changed my mind, it wasn't like a roller-coaster. The movement reminded me of riding my bike as a kid down a steep hill, wind in my hair, no concept of falling to make me slow down.

_I never did get to clean those dishes in the sink..._

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**This story has been on my mind for a while, and I like where my mind is wanting it to go :) What do you think? **

******_Songs I listened to during this chapter were; 'The Scientist' by Coldplay and 'You Are My Sunshine' by Johnny Cash. I'm going to incorporate songs throughout this fic to help give you guys a feel for the story through the writer's eyes._**


	2. Chapter 2

**So this is where I put the friendly little reminder that I do not own Twilight in anyway, shape or form...Enjoy!**

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_"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts." - Arnold_ _Bennett_

**Chapter two**

I was on fire, I was _sure_ of it.

The flames licked, surrounding me and encasing my body in a searing agony. It zipped up and down my sides so fast that I could barely keep up with it.

Was I _dead_? I couldn't answer that if I wanted to.

I didn't _know_, but I did know death shouldn't be this hard. It couldn't be. I could feel myself shaking violently and though I tried to stop it, my struggles were left in vain.

It was as if I was no longer in control of my own body. Present but in no way dominant. There was noise, a screeching sound that pierced through my ears like a banshee that stood on a nail. I wasn't sure what it was but it was impossible to imagine where it was coming from it my current situation.

It took me a little while to realise that the screeching sound was actually coming from _me_. I felt disconnected from my own body, my head was light and fuzzy, but my body felt so heavy. I felt every movement, every spasm, every twist my body was making but I was stuck inside of it. Alone and hollow in a black, panting hell.

So I wasn't dead, I knew that much. But that was all I knew at this point. There was a voice speaking lightly, it sounded far away but given my current situation I had no idea where or who it was coming from.

"Yes, cleaning her will be good...He won't be able to come back until the scent is gone." The voice was feminine, warm. It was blurred in my mind but she spoke clearly.

"I'll get some of my clothes for her to use." A second voice said, or maybe it was the first voice. It was an achievement for me to even be able to understand the words, when I was unable to put a sentence together at this point.

But her voice was soothing, _motherly_. Maybe I was in the hospital, but for what? _Remember Bella, think about it_. I tried but every time I tried to focus my energy on it, the pain ripped up my body like I was being cut with a million razor blades.

_Focus Bella, think_. Okay, I was shopping. Robbery? Was I shot? No, no gunshot wound would do this to a persons body. This was an agony like _no_ other. I drove home...Did I make it home? The trees. _The_ _deer_. _I think it was a deer...That's it, I was in a car accident._ So that must have been it, I must be burning alive in my car.

But that doesn't explain the voices. _The voices_. The woman wasn't the first voice I heard. The two male voices...What did they say? I couldn't remember that. I suddenly realized the silence that fell.

Having focused all of my energy on what happened to me, it helped me silence myself. I continued to do this, to think of anything and everything I could to keep the screaming away. But it didn't help the pain, in fact it made it worse.

I felt something damp on my forehead suddenly and flinched in surprise. "It's all going to be okay sweetheart." The voice was close to me now, did she put something on my head?

She was comforting me and I felt her take hold of my hand. Maybe it was the weather or maybe I really was on fire, but her hand was cold, dead cold. But it felt so nice against my hot skin and her sweet voice help to sooth my horrific anxiety. If it wasn't for her voice being so silky and wholesome, I would have sworn it was my mother. This voice spoke with such love and kindness and I didn't even know who she was.

She was silent for a moment. "We'll take care of you." We? There were more? "It will all be better soon, I swear to it." There was a light shuffle and some quiet words I was unable to catch, and then I started moving. I held firm with not screaming but I couldn't for a second control the whimpering that fell out of my mouth. I think I was being changed..._How humiliating._

At least I was wearing nice underwear...

The fire roared on inside, even though the sane side of me now knew otherwise, I felt as if I could turn to ash at any point. My organs felt like they were trying to jump out of my body, like they were being rejected. But at the same time they felt heavy and hard, as if I had just swallowed cement or stone. Or I was turning into stone.

I whimpered to the woman still holding my hand, I wanted to know what was happening and I wanted it to stop. I just wanted it to _stop_, whatever that meant for my future.

I willed myself to move my head to the side, I'm not sure if my eyes were open but I tried to speak. No words fell, just a guttural squeak.

The hand squeezed just a little more "No Sweetheart, don't speak. Focus on getting better."

I shook my head, wincing and gasping in agony at the pain that appeared through my actions. I curled into a ball on my side, but she never let go if my hand, she simply adjusted it to my new position.

Concentrating on my words, I tried to speak again. "What...Am...Is...Fire?" My words were broken and quiet, sounding the way an elderly person sounded as they spoke their last words on their death bed.

That was not at all reassuring.

"You're not on fire, We'll tell you more later." She sighed. "Please just try to relax."

We?

I didn't have time to contemplate this, the pain was changing, morphing into something entirely different.

When it first started, it was literally blood boiling. I was able to feel the movement of the red life source in my dying body. The heat was jarring and moved so fast it felt like a tornado was erupting inside of me. But now I was feeling a chill glide through my body smoothly. I was getting increasingly more cold, even my breath felt like ice.

If the fire was the reckless, hasty spree killer with no thought, the ice was the suave, masked murderer who calculated and tortured. It was like the difference between _The Joker_ and _Lex Luther._

While the fire was fast and direct, this chill was agonizingly slow. The pain remained the same however, just different.

I still wanted to die more than anything.

The freeze was a dull ache, like the blood behind a bruise or the feeling of holding an ice-cube for too long. Only this was no ice-cube; an _iceberg_ seemed more appropriate.

If I moved now, I was sure my limbs would break off into pieces.

The dullness got harder and harder and harder. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster and the volume of it grew louder. I couldn't breathe, it hurt too much and I was growing more and more light headed as the dizziness was setting in.

You know that feeling when you're half asleep, and you jolt when your mind plays tricks on you, thinking that you are about to fall? That was happening to me in this moment, only I had no control and I wasn't waking up.

Several more voices appeared, speaking quietly. Honestly they could have been shouting, I wouldn't know it right now. I felt myself moving again and at this point I just let it happen, I was far too deep to care about anything but the sting of the chill staying stagnate in my body.

My heartbeat was now deafening, I was sure it was about to burst out of my chest. It galloped like a prize winning racehorse, fighting for the finish. I could no longer feel myself inside my own body, only the throbbing rush of a nuisance invader. It almost felt like my back was arching up and maybe it was, but my mind was numb to anything else.

Until it all stopped.

My heart was no longer heard and I knew for sure I was no longer breathing.

_Was this the end?_

I have heard before that when you die, your mind keeps working for a few moments, that your last thoughts happen after you have already fully died. But I had always imagined it would be slow, that your thoughts would fade until there was nothing left of the person you were but the body you left behind. But my mind was sharp, I could hear breathing and rustling and it wasn't my own.

"If you remember, it can take a moment to settle into things." A familiar masculine voice said softly.

He whispered...But the sound was so sharp and present in my ear, I could _sense_ that he wasn't near me but I heard him as if he shouted it in my ear.

Out of instinct, I took a deep breath in. I tasted the air, Actually _tasted_ it.

The shock of this had my eyes blink open quickly. I was staring at a ceiling, it was painted white and had a delicate board surrounding the edges.

My eyes were so sharp, I saw everything in the air. The slow breaths I was making were moving the dust particles into a frenzy, in the light they reflected almost rainbow and sparked colors in the air._ How had I never noticed this before?_ It was beautiful and had me distracted fully.

I heard a slight clearing of a throat and I sprang up from my back. My eyes directed themselves to the people standing by the door. Where did I know them from?

The voice came from the bulky one with the smile, he was the only one smiling at this point, everyone else looked concerned. He was the guy standing behind me at the funeral. Bodyguard guy.

"Isabella." The blonde man spoke, stepping forward slowly. But my mind was so sharp, I heard every note in his voice, my eyes trained so strongly on the way he looked, the grey light of a cloudy day coming through the gap in the curtains showed of his striking face. I could clearly see all the little edges in his face as if they were carved from stone into a man.

I looked over to the small group, they were all like this. Molded and shaped perfectly from marble or it looked that way at least.

There was a pretty, short girl with black hair, she smiled brightly at me now and waved lightly when we met gazes. There was a warm looking older lady that you could see in plain sight had a look of motherly concern, I didn't need to hear her voice to know that she was the one holding my hand through my ordeal.

The two other blondes were glaring in my direction, the girl - who looked like Marilyn Monroe reincarnated - Held the arm of Mr. Burly, she had what looked like a permanent glare etched into her pretty face.

The other blonde stood straight, almost in a military stance. He looked like he was guarding something, but I didn't know what. He had...Bite marks?

I heard a sound come to the back of my mouth. That couldn't have been a growl...

I grasped my hands to my throat in a flash, so fast that the movement itself shocked me. I must have been a sight; wide eyed, appearing to be choking myself...I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, taking in the scent of the air once again.

Calming myself down, I opened them again, this time focusing on the man that said my name. He smiled sadly and lifted his hand in a gesture of protection, he was showing me that I was safe with him. I felt so too. "Isabella, this must be very confusing for you. We have been through the same thing - all of us - and I assure you, you are safe here." The man looked me directly in the eyes, he was calming and I couldn't pinpoint were I knew his voice from.

Nodding slowing, I let out a breath. It felt so unusual to feel so much control over my limbs, when only moments earlier I thought they were going to fall off. I felt every twitch in my finger, every lash on my eyes as I forced myself to blink...I didn't even need to any more.

"What happened?" My voice whispered, Staring into my lap. I wasn't necessarily speaking to anyone, really I was simply trying to collect my thoughts. But my voice was different, so much more dulcet then it once was. It was melodic and flowing and it sounded like..._Them_, the voices I heard in the very depths of my agony, the very people standing in this room with me right now.

I heard the man sigh. "We will tell you everything you wish to know, Isabella." He took small steps closer to my bed, staring me directly in the eyes. It was the same way I would look at a spider back home as I was about to pick it up with paper and take it outside. Cautious. A flight risk.

That wasn't what was going through my body right now, it was humming like I had just eaten fifty live bees. My posture felt tensed and rigid but my mind was scared and cagey and _sharp_. I caught everything, every twitch their arms made, every breath taken in.

The thought in my mind were stronger also, I was having several at once but they were stacked on each other with ease. None taking dominance over another.

My gaze went back to the people by the door, my body was telling me that they were a threat. That couldn't be right, they were helping me. Right? The internal war in my body was driving me insane, my mind told me to trust them - they're helping me, they took me in...But why? I was no threat, I was just Bella; Weak, Clumsy, Tired Bella.

And I was so _Hungry_. My veins was screaming at me, but what was even more shocking was my throat...When was the last time I had a glass of water? It felt as if I had just swallowed sandpaper, but why wasn't my voice cracking from the pain?

I rubbed my throat idly as my gaze met the older blonde man again. I wanted, no _needed_ answers. "What happened to me?" I felt so different, so alert, but the confusion was coating my mind and making the bees swarm louder and louder...

The man sat down on the bed, keeping his distance. "You were in a car accident." He spoke clearly and honestly, I liked that. I didn't want to be babied by them.

I nodded. "I remember that." Well, not the crash itself but I do remember the trees looming and something running out onto the road, but it seemed like it was years ago, the grey haze of the past weaving at the edges of my memories.

"You do?"

I nodded. "On the highway. A deer...?" I was still so shocked at my voice to give him any semblance of an intelligent response presently.

His eyes were thoughtful. "What else do you remember?" His word warm and sympathetic.

Trying to remember, my forehead bunched together. Why couldn't I remember? "This can happen." He said. "It may take you a little while to remember, don't stress yourself out, okay?" I nodded again, soothing out my features as I breathed out.

"Can I ask..." I was curious.

He leaned forward, interested. This had the other blonde guy behind him take a step toward us. The man in front of me didn't break eye contact with me, he simply raised his hand in the direction of them.

"Jasper, relax." Jasper. Funny name. But it did bring me back to the topic in my mind.

I started again. "Could you please tell me your name? In my head I keep referring to you as _'blonde man'_."

He laughed refreshingly, as did a few of the others behind him. "I'm Carlisle, and that my wife Esme." He gesture to the motherly looking one. "These are my children, Emmett-" To which he waved brightly when his name was said and interjected. "Hey!" The tall girl scowled at him and elbowed him in the stomach.

"And that's Rosalie." He muttered like an ashamed father. "Alice is the shortest of our brood and this is Jasper." Jasper nodded simply, keeping his eyes on me.

He still had that look on his face, one of consideration and protection. "You don't look alike..." I stated lamely, drifting my words off hoping I didn't offend anyone.

"No, we are a _different_ sort of family. You will know with time dear." Carlisle said, no doubt trying to placate me.

"We also have a son, Edward. You'll meet him soon sweetheart." Her voice. It was her, the woman that held my hand when I was dying...Or what felt like dying.

"You were there." I said to her, her face turned confused slightly. "When I was aching, you looked after me." I smiled at her, it felt weird though, like moulding plaster into a shape.

She smiled. "I was, I'm glad you feel better."

"You helped, thank you." She - Esme - really did, her cool hands eased the heat in my body just a little and her presence made me feel less alone.

Esme simply nodded, her smile brightening on her face all the more.

"I can't handle this." Jasper stated in a growling mutter. My body reacted to the sound so quickly, as did my mind. I had the intense urge to defend myself from him, to attack. It was both confusing and so natural for me. This was all so foreign to me, so alien. What had happened to me?

I pounced backward, my back hitting the wall so fast. I felt it dent with my weight and my head snapped back to it, sure enough the poor drywall had sunk in where I had hit.

I gasped in fear for myself, I wasn't this strong. I raised myself up and pulled the covers off of myself to get away, but they ripped. The corner of the room next to me seemed like the safest place to be and in a flash, I was huddled in the corner. Literally.

My body started to shake violently, giving my sudden flashbacks to the pain. But it was fear that had arisen them, I was different. Stronger. Faster. Hungry.

"What am I?" My perfected voice shook and I gulped back the Saliva that ached in my throat. I wasn't me anymore, but I wasn't dead.

Emmett pulled Jasper by the arm, backward toward the door. "Dude, give the girl a break."

"She's scared." Jasper said indignantly.

"Of course she's scared." Rosalie snapped at her brother. "She's just changed."

"Changed into what?" I was fast, I caught so quickly what she said.

Silence fell in the room for a few moments but it felt like a year, time had been an odd thing to me from the minute I had woken. I stood slowly, stalking forward at them deliberately. Jasper's shoulder's took strongly and stood in front of them. "Jasper, she won't hurt us." The little one - Alice - Said, resting her hand on his forearm.

"Hurt you? Why would I hurt you?" They were crazy, I didn't _want_ to hurt anyone...

Jasper groaned and pulled her arm away, moving towards the door. "This is what I'm talking about. She's too _calm_, she feels aggressive then it dissipates to fear...Her instincts are there and they're strong, but they're..._Wrong_."

"What am I?' I repeated, to no one in particular. I didn't care who answered, I just wanted to know.

Alice fluttered past Jasper, and despite his protests she spoke. "I'll tell you." Her smile was so big, the _Cheshire Cat_ would be incredibly jealous.

"Darlin'." Jasper interrupted. She shook her little head furiously. "No Jazz, she's safe. We can be completely blunt with her."

Everyone stared at her for a moment, of course I can take it. "Of course you'll be safe, what would I do?" I was just one person.

Alice smiled sadly at me. "Bella, you feel it." She took another step forward, and I noted that she was the only one so far to call me by my prefered name. "You're hungry right?" How did she...? I simply nodded, perplexed.

"You'll come to find that it's more that you're _thirsty_. You need to _hunt_." Her head dipped slightly at her words, but her eyes stayed on me completely. Hunt? I didn't know how to use a gun. Buy she was right, there was an urge in me that I couldn't explain, a _thirst_.

Rosalie groaned. "Oh for god sake, you said she can take it. Say it already."

"Rose, this is a delicate situation. We need to take it-"

"No we don't, she might be young but she's not a _child_." Rosalie looked directly into my eyes for the first time and continued. "We're vampires Isabella, _all of us_. Including you."

What? Vampires? How was that possible? I remained silent, too shocked to move. Rosalie was dead serious and I had no chose but to believe her, Alice was right; I felt so different, I felt completely different.

I couldn't hurt someone, I just couldn't. The idea of eating - or I guess drinking - someone wasn't appealing at all. I wasn't about to be that person, I refused to be. But what if I had no choice? What if it was the only way to live? What if the thirst took over?

Esme's voice tutted angrily at the statuesque blonde. "Rosalie Lillian...That was the wrong thing to do, Look at her, she's in shock!"

That snapped me out of it. "I'm fine." I said, it pulled some of my memories of the past. Charlie...Renee, oh my god _Renee_. How long was I...How did this happen? Did this mean that I could never see her again?

Where would I go? I couldn't burden these people for too much longer, they had already nursed me through the change. I had no money. What about the light, it could kill me, right?

I quickly rearranged the heartbreak my face was no doubt showing, or I tried...I was never a good liar.

"You don't have to be brave sweetheart, we've all been through it." Esme moved closer to me, placing a hand on my bare arm. Looking down at it, I noticed the difference in temperature it was now. Had she gotten warmer? Or was _I_ that cold now too, so we felt the same? But she was comforting me non-the-less.

"I can't handle this right now. Alice?" Jasper said, leaving the room. "I'll just be a moment." Alice said before giving her focus back to me. "Please don't take it personally Bella, Jasper has had a rough time with our differing lifestyle choice in comparison to the _norm_." She used air quotations as she said the last word.

"Differing? Norm?"

"We don't eat humans." Emmett stated, in such a breezy, cool tone. He said it like someone would say _"We like to roller-skate"_ or _"Would you like some pie?"_

I pondered that for a few moments. "So I don't have to hurt anyone?" I scattered my eyes across the room, not caring who answered me as long as I got a response.

Emmett burst into a hefty chuckle. "Are you sure she's a vamp Carlisle? She's so domesticated for a newborn.?

"Newborn?" I queried, befuddled at the term. "It means new vampire Bella." Alice resolved, tipping her head to the side. I nodded. "Uh."

"Oh." She paused, a blank look hitting her face. It became bright again only moments later. "Edward will be home in twenty two minutes." How did she know that?

"How do you...?"

"We'll go through all of that later." Alice answered, wrapping her arm through mine. "It's fine." She said, looking at the small crowd of her family. "I'm positive that she won't hurt me." There they go with the hurt again, but looking at the wall and the dent I had made in it, I supposed it could have been possible.

They breathed out a collective sigh of relief. "Will you be okay alone?" Carlisle asked. Alice paused again for a split second before nodding. They all left the room silently, looking back at me and Alice as they departed.

Alice danced to the bed and plopped herself down gracefully, she was like a ballerina dancing _The Swan Lake_. "I'm guessing that you have some questions...?" She patted the bed, inviting my curiosity.

I did have questions, an inordinate amount to be exact. The one I was the most curious about was their - I mean our - diet. "We hunt animals exclusively." She replied when the question came up. "We have the thirst for them still - we always will - but we are able to maintain a healthy diet with the wildlife."

"Will it be hard?" I needed her to be honest, thankfully she was. "It will be the hardest thing you will ever do, but abstaining will also be rewarding." My new friend beamed.

We talked more, well _she_ talked...I asked a few questions here and there but as she answered them, they morphed into other subject inquisitions I had inside my increasingly fast mind.

Vampires didn't eat at all, our organs no longer worked so they couldn't process them, though sometimes they'd have to fake it as a cover. Apparently _human_ food was disgusting to us also.

It was so unusual to refer to myself as anything other than human, that would have to take some time I supposed.

I also learned about the sun, it didn't kill us but as the makeup of our skin had changed entirely into a form that of hardened marble, it reflected the light in some way. Alice didn't say how, but that I would enjoy the look of it. That made me all the more desiring of it.

We also didn't sleep, Alice actually laughed at me when I asked if we slept in coffins. You could hear the others sniggering at it also, especially Emmett.

I learned the laws and ways of the vampire world - who knew such a thing existed? Alice didn't want to get to into it for now, not wanting to overwhelm me with too much information in one hit, but felt it was important to give me the guidelines. Vampires were free to roam the world as they so choose, but had to remain inconspicuous. We had to maintain the public's ignorance, they could never know what we were and live free lives.

We couldn't kill recklessly, I could have shuddered at the thought. She gave me what was needed, I guess so I could do well on my own when they sent me on my way. I didn't want to be a burden to them for longer than necessary.

Alice wanted me to experience the other the _perks_ of being a Vampire myself, insisting that some things were actually enjoyable. I gave her a look of healthy scepticism at _that_ comment.

"You will learn never to bet against me Bella." She remarked, an enigmatic twinkle sparkling in her eyes.

Before I had the chance to inquire about that statement, she sprung up out of her spot. My new, shockingly fast instincts getting the better of me, causing me to curl to my knees in a rigid stance of self-protection. But I snapped myself out of it quickly, Alice was nothing to be scared of. "Sorry." I apologized, bowing my head slightly in embarrassment.

So this was what I had to look forward to? The sudden will to kill my friends? Good times...

"Forget about it." She smiled. "My brothers home!" And with that, she bounced out of the room fluidly. I hadn't heard anything, but just as I thought that I heard a whipping sound. Trees?

"Edward, you're home." Esme's syrupy voice spoke as the sound of the door opened, you could feel the smile in her words.

I waited for the response of the only family member I hadn't met. What if he didn't have the patience for me like the others? "Yes, I'm sorry Esme."

"Don't you ever leave like that again." Her words were scolding to the last family member.

My ever present nosy demeanor had my feet moving to the door before anyone else responded. I was in the room so fast. "Other perks?" I asked Alice in slight shock of my new skill.

She giggled. "It's fun huh?"

But I couldn't answer, I was too busy looking at the boy - who was staring right back at me - with faint recognition. He was the boy at the funeral, the one that looked hungry and mad at the same time. I had noted the beauty of these unusual creatures, but none were as stunning as him. The lines of his face were perfectly aligned in a strikingly well proportioned manner. He was unequivocally flawless.

"Hello." Edward stated tensely, not meeting my eyes with his.

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**I'm enjoying writing this story and have so many ideas for it, but I'd love your input. What would you like to happen? I have some major plot-lines in the future that will extend far beyond a newborn Bella, I'm happy to say I have yet to find said upcoming storyline in a fic for Twilight before so I am excited for when the chapters come to play, though they have bit to go at the moment.**

_**The songs for this chapter were; 'Hallelujah' by Imogen Heap and 'Stairway To Heaven' By Led Zeppelin. **_

**Have a wonderful day! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Twilight is fun to play with, but at the end of the day I'm not the lucky one with the paycheck for it. Enjoy the story!**

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_"In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death." - Anne Frank_

**Chapter three**

_"Edward, you're home." Esme's syrupy voice spoke as the sound of the door opened, you could feel the smile in her words._

_I waited for the response of the only family member I hadn't met yet. What if he didn't have the patience for me like the others? "Yes, I'm sorry Esme."_

_"Don't you ever leave like that again." Her words were scolding to the last family member._

_My ever present nosy demeanor had my feet moving to the door before anyone else responded. I was in the room so fast. "Other perks?" I asked Alice in slight shock of my new skill._

_She giggled. "It's fun huh?"_

_But I couldn't answer, I was too busy looking at the boy - who was staring right back at me - with faint recognition. He was the boy at the funeral, the one that looked hungry and mad at the same time. I had noted the beauty of these unusual creatures, but none were as stunning as him. The lines of his face were perfectly aligned in a strikingly well proportioned manner. He was unequivocally flawless._

_"Hello." Edward stated tensely, not meeting my eyes with his._

"Hi." I returned the greeting. Taking small movements closer to him, I lifted my hand to shake his. It was the polite thing to do.

But he didn't take my hand, he just stared at it. His face shifted, vacating any emotion in a tenth of a second. My old self wouldn't have caught it as quickly. "Didn't anyone tell her?" Edward's eyes drifted around to his family.

"Tell me what?" I asked him, curious and a little exasperated as to what my new friends were keeping from me.

He didn't answer, he didn't even bother to look back at me. His eyes trained on where his family were presently standing.

Unsatisfied by his rudeness, I then decided to give the question to the room. "Tell me what?" My voice was getting harsher and I could feel the blood beginning to boil in my veins. It was the most unusual feeling, being completely in control and totally sporadic at the same time. It could drive a person mad. It probably had in the past.

"Bella." Carlisle spoke slowly, deliberately. Grabbing my attention again, he raised his hand as he had earlier in the day. "You need to remain calm. Everything we have told you is the truth, but there are some things you need to know."

Esme added her own piece. "Something that involves Edward, we wanted to wait."

I tried to calm myself, but a surge of tranquillity hit me before I even got the chance. "What is that?" My mind was feeling very unsettled but the emotions were void as they attempted to move through my body.

"It's me." Jasper said. "We all have gifts, please don't question them right now."

How could I not? "This is all too much." I turned my back to the crowd, running my hand through the ends of my head. A nervous habit that seemed to follow me through to my next life. If I could cry right now I would, apparently it was impossible now to us.

"I'm so sorry." Edward stated, pure regret evident in his voice. I felt the air move behind me as his presence drew nearer to my upset frame.

"Why?" I turned sharply, meeting his eyes directly. I hadn't realized he was that close. "You didn't do anything." Did he?

"I didn't make you this way, but I'm the reason you are a vampire now." He spoke so quickly, if I was human I'm sure I wouldn't have picked up any of it. "If I wasn't around when you crashed you could have been taken to the hospital." What? I was under the impression that I was going to die.

Esme shook her head. "Edward, these things take ti-"

"I want to know." My voice was strong and my eyes stood directly at Edward. I didn't mean to snap at Esme, but I was too impatient at this point to care about her feelings. "Tell me." I demanded of the boy in front of me, not bothering to keep my voice down.

It really did strike me how much things had changed for me now, my voice was something that kept surprising me. It had so many levels to it, you never really realize when you're human.

"Tell me." I told him again, calming my voice just slightly.

"Why don't we all take a seat?" Carlisle requested in a formal tone. "Will that help?" I asked everyone.

"It might." Jasper nodded to me. This family had the weird habit of finishing each others sentences.

Esme gestured to the room on the left of the grand entryway. As I walked through the elegant archway and took the two small steps into the sitting area, I noted for the first real time the beauty that this house held. The runners were molded perfectly into the corners of the ceiling, the small amount of artwork was undoubtedly high-end and matched the furniture. Everything flowed seamlessly with each other, all pieces spoke wonders of their taste and culture, they held their own in the room but meshed into a beautiful harmony of creams, crisp with ivory, with warmer tones of brown peeking through in unexpected places.

Distraction was keeping me from the matter at hand, I sat myself down at the end of the expensive sofa - Alice setting her tiny frame right next to mine without a thought.

I decided to start. "Please, just be straight with me." I scanned my eyes around the room, making contact with everyone one by one. I noticed that Edward was sitting the furthest away from me, diagonally on the opposite corner of the sofa in front of the one I was presently perched on.

Everyone stayed silent, waiting for something to happen. My newly faster mind realized that they must have been waiting for Edward to speak.

He didn't speak, he simply stared at me as if in disbelief, but his expression held something else. Frustration? Again?. "Why do you keep looking at me like that?" I asked him directly, letting my previous question sit behind for the moment.

Edward's head tilted to the side for a split second, confused but like he was considering something in his head. "My gift." His beautiful voice spoke again, I didn't realize it before but I had missed it. And I had only heard it moments before in the other room.

"I can read minds." My eyes widened, trying to justify my thoughts of his voice as quickly as I possibly could. I was so embarrassed, though it wasn't as if I actually -

His hand raised when I was about to speak, silencing me. "But not yours. I'm not sure why that is but I'd like to formally apologize for treating you in a less than appropriate manner."

Formal was right, if I didn't know any better, I would have sworn that he had read that from a sheet of paper. But my annoyance was squashed by the relief I was feeling that he couldn't hear me.

"At all?" I asked, to be sure.

"Not a peep." He spoke to me directly, smiling for the first time since we had met. It would have made my old self faint, I was sure of it.

But new me stood tall, my posture was controlled. I still demanded answers. "So answer me this Edward." I directed the question to him this time, it seemed like the only way to get him to talk. "Why are _you_ the one responsible for my death? - or undead-ness as it would seem...Was it because of the thoughts thing?"

Edwards head fell into his hands, and I let him have a few moments to collect his thoughts, I understood how hard it was for us all now. He ran his hand through the mane of bronze sitting atop of his head before tilting his head back to me. "No, If it was just that you would back to home or in the hospital by now. _Alive_."

His voice sounded aggravated by the notion that I had made, what else could it have been then? "_You_ don't get to be the one that's frustrated right now." I was growing tired of all the evasiveness. I continued. "Now stop acting like an infantile brat and give me a straight answer for once."

I knew my voice was rising, but I didn't expect silence to completely fall over the room at my words. Edward's family collective stopped breathing and stared at me, not even blinking.

"She's all right guys, calm down." Alice shook her head at the silent folk. Did they still expect me to go bat-crap crazy? What were newborns supposed to be like?

Emmetts booming laugh roared louder than ever in that moment. "I think I'm gonna like this little spitfire." He said between deep breaths. Even Rosalie cracked a smile at my remark.

I took a few breaths in. "I'm sorry for going off at you Edward, but you continue to be indirect with me I won't have a choice."

"Freaking control." Jasper muttered under his breath. I ignored it, staring at Edward.

His eyes were also trained on me, looking perplexed by something I couldn't even imagine. Or maybe he was reading everyone's thoughts, I wasn't sure how that worked for him.

"Edward." I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. I knew I couldn't sleep anymore, my body even felt supercharged with the new energy flowing through it, but I was overwhelmed and emotionally drawn by this point. "Please." I asked. Bowing my head and finally looking away from him.

I closed my eyes to collect my thoughts, images of the crash flittering through my mind in a smoky blur. I couldn't understand why this was all so tense, I felt what they felt now, did I not understand simply because I was a newborn or was it something else?

The sound of air being sucked lightly into Edward's mouth brought me out of my daydreaming, but I didn't open my eyes. "Isabella, please understand that vampires have urges that are hard to control at times." He started finally.

I raised my head and waited for him to continue. "You must feel it too, the need to protect yourself, the need to _hunt_." He was right, I had attempted more than once to protect myself from everyone here and against my better judgement, the_ instinct_ took over.

"That feeling in your throat is thirst. Thirst for blood-"

"-Human blood." I interrupted him, I could see where he was going with this. I didn't want it to be true.

Edward nodded. Jasper sat himself forward, moving ever so slightly in front of Edward at this point. He was going to protect his brother from me, I don't think he was aware that I knew what this was about now.

_'He looked hungry'_. It was a thought I had the first time I saw him, but he wasn't hungry...He was _thirsty_.

"You wanted to..." I couldn't finish, it was just too hard to imagine that something so beautiful could be in control of something so deadly.

The energy in the room was reaching its crescendo, everyone was on edge in the moment, no doubt waiting for my reaction. No one bothered to answer me which only reassured me of my correctness.

I sat back slightly in my spot, but they must have misinterpreted it because Jasper sprung up in his seat. It made me freeze at look up at him. "I'm not going to hurt anyone Jasper." I shook my head, settling deeper into my spot on the sofa. Alice patted my leg lightly, a sad smile coating her elf-like features.

"I get it." It was a simple statement, but it was true nonetheless.

"You _get it_?" Edward asked incredulously. I nodded. "More or less."

"But Bella I...I wanted to..."

"I know." My voice was firm.

He shook his head. "This wasn't how I imagined this to...I thought you would have at least gotten a couple of swings at me."

"If you keep acting like you are, I may reconsider." I gave him a sly look, a small smile etched in my face.

He returned my small grin, but it fell softly a moment later. "I don't understand you."

"Most people don't, so you're not alone." It was true that I never made much sense to people. My mother had raised me on pop culture and unintentionally taught me to speak like her, which was all over the place for the most part. It made me very sad to think of her, what she must be thinking right as she mourns the loss of her daughter.

The group chatting for a little while, but I didn't hear them. I couldn't help but focus on the fire in my throat. Edward mentioning it made it ever present in my mind and now in my throat.

"Um guys...?" Rosalie spoke up for the first time in a while. From the corner of my eye I saw her gesture to me. I was currently hunched over myself, praying for the pain to go away.

"You need to hunt." Alice said soothingly, rubbing my arm.

I shook my head. "I'm fine."

Esme stood and reached for my hands, willing me to stand. "You don't have to pretend sweetheart, Alice hasn't hunted in a while so she will go with you." She said pulling me lightly in the direction of the door.

"I'll go." Edward said. This shocked me to be honest, I would have thought he wouldn't want to be around me. Out of sight, out of mind.

Carlisle turned toward his son. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Isabella is my responsibility."

"It's Bella." I said, mildly irritated. "You'd think reading minds, you might know that." Is this what the need to hunt brought out, my crabby side? So instead of PMS, I would now have PHS. Pre-Hunting-Syndrome? Beautiful...

"I guess I deserved that." Edward tilted his head, disappointed.

I shook my head. "You won't be in pain or anything?"

"Bella." He used my prefered name for the first time. "The pain is completely gone, well not completely - your own blood still runs through you right now - but your scent as a vampire is so much stronger now."

I nodded. "Plus you all want an extra person around, just incase I go all ape shi-" I haulted my words quickly. "-Shoot." Esme was in the room and it felt somehow wrong to swear in front of everyone.

It would have only been there for a tenth of a second, but I could have sworn a grin hit Edwards face.

~/~/~/~

"Won't I need shoes?" I asked as Alice led me out the back door.

She shook her head. "You would just ruin them, on you first trip at least." That had me worried. Would my clothes be safe?

"Don't let Alice scare you Bella, this comes to us naturally. Easy as breathing." Edward stood next to me, looking seemingly comfortable or perhaps faking it for my benefit.

They had already given me the rundown on how things would go, more or less anyway, it seems the crypticness runs in the family.

I kept my pace behind them as we ran into the woods, even though I was positive I could have been a mile in front of them at this point. It was still so unusual to me to have such control over my body, to be so aware of everything. The birds chirping in the height of the trees, the leaves on the damp ground I was running across, the large spider web I ducked under with ease, I was hyper-aware of it all. And it was stunning.

I had never understood the appeal of this place before, it had always seemed too green to me before, too alien from my home in Phoenix. But I was seeing it with new eyes now, stronger eyes that could actually comprehend the picturesque wonder and multiple soft textures that this forest had to offer.

Alice had told me to hold me breath, she didn't want any new smells to distract me from my first hunt. It made sense.

Suddenly they stopped, catching me off guard. Edward quickly grabbed my shoulders to stop me from passing them. "It's a rush right?" He seemed to really love running, the look of exhilaration plastered on his lovely features.

I wouldn't said that I loved the running itself but I didn't want to insult him. "It's something alright." I nodded, smiling. I would give him this though, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before.

"Now Bella." Alice's tiny hands were on my shoulders from behind before I looked away from Edward. I shifted my gaze to her as Edwards hands dropped, standing away from me, she continued. "I want you to close your eyes - Keep holding your breath though." I did as she asked. It was honestly very jarring to have been holding my breath for so long, but jarring in an untraditional sense; It felt completely comfortable. But something in me also felt on edge, I wasn't sure why.

I felt Edward's presence move a step closer to me, keeping his distance unlike Alice. "In a moment, we'll tell you to take a breath in Bella...It will feel unsettling at first but I promise we will guide you through it all." His voice sounded so intense, but I guess this wasn't a time for joking around. I nodded and waited for one of them to resume.

"Bella as you know, we only hunt animals, you are free to change your mind about that at any - " My eyes sprung open and my head turned to Alice so fast, I thought it might fall off.

I was about to protest when she raised her hand, silencing my unspoken objections. "We are hoping your moral compass will continue to point due north, but the instincts we have are there nonetheless. I mean, why do you think we are having you hold your breath right now?" I shook my head, shrugging as I had not long asked myself the same question.

Edward chose to pipe up again in this moment. "Our instincts are nothing to be ashamed of, keep that in mind Bella." He spoke pointedly. "The second you breathe in you will smell _everything_ in the woods, every living creature close enough to us." I tried to comprehend this, failing before looking back at him.

He was still making sure to keep his distance from me. If Alice wasn't afraid, why was he? "It will conquer your mind Bella." Alice added. "It's hard for us Bella and we have been at it for years and years." How many years? I would have to ask that later.

"You are a newborn." She said. "So for you it will be near impossible to control. Or we think so, I won't be able to tell until you are actually in the thick of it." I didn't bother asking what she meant by that.

"Close your eyes." Edward asked of me, softly. I did as he asked, giving a silent prayer that everything would be okay. I really didn't want to embarrass myself.

"Now take a deep breath in." He moved ever so slightly closer to me, and even with my eyes closed I could feel him tense up. Alice was the same way, tightening her grip on my shoulders.

In my head, I counted down from ten. It was something I have done my whole life, from ripping off a bandaid to when my mom brought home a waxing kit to try out.

_10_

_9_

_8_

Every second had the exact amount of space in between them.

_7_

_6_

_5_

_4_

I was getting all the more anxious now, in just three seconds I would find out exactly what I was, in just three seconds I would know what I was truly capable of.

_3_

_2_

_Just one more second Bella._ It really blew my mind that I could have all of these conflicting thoughts, a million at a time, so fast and so strong.

1

I sucked in my first deep breath...Everything.

I could sense everything.

Every leaf squashed under me, every crumble of dirt. Alice and Edward both smelt even more wonderful in the fresh early evening air.

Alice had a tartness about her, but was still so sweet. She was the vampire version of a _sour patch kid_ or _pixystix. _Edward however held a warmth in his fragrance. Still sweet also but with an edge. Caramelized onions and butterscotch candy, cinnamon and a slight musk were what came to mind when it came to him.

The air itself had it's own personal aroma to it. Purity, plain and simple.

But something sprung up on my wonderful admiration of my surroundings, a flesh-like, meaty smell. I could feel the heartbeats pulsating on my tongue, everyone of them. The beautiful noise of the birds chirping became the deafening chant of my opponent. The small padding of animal feet on the ground rang in my ears as if it was whispering my name.

My other senses heightened, my hearing was hyper-aware of all things surrounding me, I could feel the footsteps of my potential prey vibrating through my bare feet, it zipped up all the way to my throat - I wasn't sure what they were, but it was wonderful.

And all of this was in just one deep breath.

I knew what I was now, and my body felt alive and flourishing. The desire to stalk in the direction of my prey was only being held back by the soothing hands on my shoulders, the voice now speaking directly to me.

"Bella?" Edwards voice sounded so much louder now, but he spoke so quietly.

The ringing of their heartbeats grew louder and louder, they couldn't have been very far away at all. It was hurting my ears. I just wanted it to stop.

My throat ached on, making me shudder with anticipation of my kill. My kill?

I pushed out my first breath, refusing to take another in. I wasn't a killer.

"It's too much." My voice was strong and hard, I imagined that was what I must have looked like right now. My mind was split in two at this point, one side yelling at me to go after the wonderful smell, the other screaming for me to run away and never return.

"I know Bella, but it does get easier. Just take another breath in." Begrudgingly, I took his advice. It stuck my again, falling on me like a ton of bricks.

"How many do you smell?" Edward asked, they must smell them to.

"What are they?" I asked curiosity taking over.

I heard him sigh. "Deer, simple hunt for your first time. Now answer the question." His voice didn't sound impatient, just nervous. They probably needed to know what I was capable of, just as I did myself.

Another breath swept into my nose. I took my time, letting myself taste it on my tongue. I felt salvia build in my mouth...Actually I wasn't sure if it was actually saliva at all. It stung my mouth in the most glorious way, biting but mouthwatering. I had no doubt now that this was venom in my body, my venom.

I took in the differing scents, noting the differences, my eyes shut tightly in consideration. One was hot and woodsy, a boy deer. Another was also woodsy but with a fresher fragrance, was it younger?

"Two?" I questioned.

"Actually there are three, one is just a little further away. Breath deeper, you'll find it." Alice's voice smiled through her words.

The next breath I took was longer than the others, but I caught it. A pulsing heartbeat hit my tongue, not as strong as the others. "I got it." I smiled, proud of myself for finding it.

"Bella, let your instincts take you over. We are made for this and I swear to you, we won't let you get out of hand." Edwards voice was confident and I trusted him completely in the moment.

"Go get'em tiger." Alice whispered in my ear, her hands releasing me as she took a step back.

My eyes were still shut as I took my first step forward. They stayed silent, letting me find the natural compulsion within me.

One more breath in for the last time and I was sure of what I was doing.

My eyes were forcefully ripped apart and not a second later I was off, running as fast as my new body would let me. I was wrong before, It was a rush. I had been so concerned with following behind Edward and Alice that I didn't let myself be as good as I could be. I was enthralled by it.

I halted my movements after a few moments, reaching my target. My involuntary mind told me to hide behind a tree, staying quiet as not to scare them away. They looked so graceful and at home a part of me wanted to leave them alone. But I was strong, and fiery. I was right, there was a larger buck in the mix. But what surprised me was how young the smaller deer was. A baby.

It caught sight of me, it's pure eyes meeting my enraged ones. It didn't run, it just stared at me. I couldn't take it's life, not on my first hunt anyway. The buck would do it for me.

My body hummed as I crouched into a natural position for my next move. "3. 2. 1." I whispered to myself before pouncing. I did just as I was told, I let my instinct totally take me over.

But that part of me was still there, telling myself not to hurt them. In a flash I was at the larger man deer, I snapped his neck without hesitation. I may have needed to feed but I couldn't hear it's cries.

It was so simple, _easy as breathing_ Edward had said. I fed off of my first hunt like it was a fine wine and I was a deprived alcoholic. I couldn't get enough, every last drop of blood was ravaged out of the poor bucks already still body.

Once I was done, I looked at him. "I'm so sorry." I said to him, meaning it. I sat cross legged on the ground, patting his blood matted fur lightly. I didn't feel sorry for what I did, everyone needs to eat and it came naturally to my body, but it felt wrong not to apologise to my first kill.

I looked around, realizing that the younger deer had left, I couldn't blame it. My eyes caught the ones of my new friends, had they been there the whole time?

"Hi." I stated simply, licking my bottom lip and tasting the last of my dead buck.

Alice said nothing. She simply smiled brightly, giving me two thumbs up for my effort. But Edward stood on, an unreadable expression on his face.

"You killed it first?" He asked me.

I nodded. "I didn't want him in pain." I shrugged to him. His expression grew deeper and even more incomprehensible.

"Ready for more?" Alice asked. I nodded my widening to a smile. I had to admit, it was fun...

~/~/~/~

I must have looked like a hot mess.

I was covered in dirt and dried blood, I could swear it was in my hair too. Two hunts down and I was just starting to get the hang of it. Deer were like they said, easy. Even more so after snapping their necks first. But I was still thirsty.

"It doesn't one hundred percent go away Bella, not with your youth anyway." Edward reassured, his presence just a little closer than before but still maintaining his distance.

I contemplated this. "How long does being a _newborn_ last?" I used air quotations on the word. We were presently sitting by a large and very tall tree, waiting for Alice as she went for her prey only a few minutes earlier.

"Usually a few months, a little less by sticking to our lifestyle. Human blood has a way of corrupting your every thought, you can't think of anything else but tasting..." He trailed off and I knew why.

"Was that what it was like for you...With me?" I had to ask.

He stared at my eyes for a few moments before nodding, turning his head away from me. "It took everything I had not to-" He stopped himself.

I was about to ask him to continue but Alice suddenly came through trees, smiling brightly and looking way cleaner than I'm sure I did. "Did you miss me?" She joked, flopping down next to me inbetween Edward and I. It was nice that she didn't walk on eggshells around me like everyone else, she treated my like I was her best friend.

"Oh, with every fibre of my being _darling_." I joked back in my 'pretentious' voice. We laughed together like best friends would.

"Are you ready to leave?" Edward asked breaking up the fun. He still seemed uncomfortable around me.

I nodded, standing up, Alice following my actions. We took our time running back, the pressing issue now taken care of. I noticed my little deer friend feeding as we ran and I halted to a stop.

It wasn't like I wanted to say '_howdy'_ to it or anything. No, what struck me was behind it. A giant mountain lion was stalking quietly, it's scent sending me forward a few steps.

"Bella?" Edward asked, they must have stopped too.

"Shh!" I whisper-yelled to him. When the mountain lion would take a step forward, so would I. I would not let it hurt my little bambi friend, I had made a point not to kill it and I wouldn't let anything else do the job either.

Finally the mountain lion pounced, but I was quicker. I was feeding before it knew what hit it. I didn't spare it's life this time, I wanted it to hurt for preying on the baby deer. It was stupid of me, I know. It was just doing what I did earlier, but something in me was enraged by it.

It clawed at me, I heard the tear of my dress but continued on, draining it of everything it could give me.

"What was that about?" Alice asked, she looked a mixture of confusion and humor towards the situation.

I shook my head, standing up. "It's stupid." I said shaking my head. I didn't want them to laugh at my reasoning.

"Tell us." Edward asked, his eyes staring directly at mine. Never moving.

I sighed. "The baby deer it was stalking...I made a point earlier of not killing it, it was so young..." I shook my head, continuing with my explanation. "I was mad at it for it, so I..." Mauled it to death. "I told you it was stupid." I huffed out to myself, looking back to notice that the baby deer had once again ran off.

"No Bella, it's not." She assured me. "That is just your instincts. We are very protective over things we are fond of, right Edward?"

"Yes." He was looking at the ground now, as if refusing to look at me.

"So are we going now?" I asked.

"Ah, Bella." Alice said pointing to me. I didn't know what she was talking about, I looked down and sure enough...My dress was almost ripped in half, not snapping the mountain lion's neck first had it do a little damage to my belongings. No wonder Edward was looking away, he was a gentleman.

"Oops." I said under my breath, Alice's tinkling laugh lit up the now pitch black forest as I looked down at my torn to shreds attire, I noted that I had been put into a black lace bra that was maybe a cup too small for me. "Man, look at those." I muttered at my newly found cleavage. This was new, I was barely a B-Cup before...

Edward stood forward, still not looking. "Here." He said, pulling his hooded sweatshirt over his head. Try as I might I couldn't resist staring at the small amount of skin that showed as his arms rose above his head and the shirt underneath was pull up slightly. He handed it to me, staring nowhere else but my eyes.

"Thanks." I smiled at him, pulling it over my head. _Don't moan at how good it smells. Don't moan at how good it smells. _

It was basically a dress on me anyway. He was so tall compared to Alice and I, maybe 6'2 or 6'3.

He was still looking at me once I had it on, he smile just a little. "You're welcome Bella." Our eyes stayed connected.

"Come on! Stop flirting with her and let's go." Alice exclaimed. I hadn't realized I had been staring at him so long. He gaze soured at her words and turned, not staring at me again the entire run back. He wasn't flirting, he barely even standed me so I didn't understand the reaction. But maybe Alice thought something I didn't know about. I still didn't know how that gift of his worked.

But I tell you this, Alice really knew how to make a crabby Edward even crabbier and an embarrassed Bella even more embarrassed.

* * *

**First hunt done! I wanted her personality to be clear, as they said she needed to learn what she was fully and the kind of hunter she was. **

_**Bella's first hunt was written while listening to 'Lonely Boy' by The Black Keys and 'My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark' by Fall Out Boy.**_

_**Other songs on the playlist for this chapter were; 'Shake It Out' by Florence And The Machines and 'Smile Like You Mean It' by The Killers.**_

**Take Care! :) **


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